Monday, August 8, 2011


what kind of fire do i want to start?
its not what i have but who i have for the kindling
we set ourselves on fire with our efforts
and we burn burn burn burn.
we burn without prejudice
we burn with ideas.
we burn because we all belong here
drawing others in
with warmth and light
passing the torch when we die
keeping the fire alive.
we burn burn burn burn

what kind of fire do i want to start?
a fire expressed through our actions
hands caloused
and throats vanished
we burn because we have to.
we burn because we don't know anything else.
we have a life on a shelf living 8 hours in hell
but we burn because we have a story to tell.
collected together,
the sparks and the embers
we are a fire.
amd we burn burn burn burn

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?

have you ever wondered where your thoughts come from?

stained brain dead face blackened thoughts (thaw and rot)
frozen obscure covered in frost (thaw and rot)
power lack there of segregation (thaw and rot)
a machine with potential call it what you will

surrounded by these similar broken hearts
and these machines that swallow time
grow child and yield to life as succession departs
staying close to death life's mortal decline

anxiety pins and needles name the cliche (thaw and rot)
diagnose the disease watch me bleed but don't pray (thaw and rot)
i've read minds i hear prayers (thaw and rot)
but i'm having trouble reading my own so leave me alone.

the cavity of possession the useless shrine
the cruelty of thought the power of mind
the poison of religion abuse of the divine
death to humanity worthless and sublime

call it what ever you want
my rituals of self preservation
denial through a failed state
or apathetic exhaustion
my distorted values of self worth are as filthy as yours
but i can word them creatively enough
loop holes for words loop holes for wrists
tied to fit tight but set free the hypocrtites
so i'm laying down my crippled hands
against the grain of gnashing teeth
these hands that never saw war
these hands that never raised young
these hands and a mask, disguised
disgusted and defined.
responsible for etching names in stone
digging graves for thousands
setting fire to homes
carving the ivory for jesus' bones
i'm walking the path
i'm never waking up.

(i am a product of a catholic upbringing. when i was young, i accepted the catholic standard of god. then shortly after i rejected it. i'm uncomfortable with the futile human understanding of something we could not possibly comprehend. i'm uncomfortable with the imagery and nomenclature humans have created trying to depict and describe the indescribable. I believe in death. i reject the idea of metaphoric soul real estate. i've written about religion most of my life. again, in a pathetic attempt to try and understand. inversely i have emulated the unattractive characteristics associated with certain religions by preaching my beliefs to others. black and white no longer exists. there is only grey from now on. i take responsibility for my species errors. i want to live inside my own head. i want to live. and then i want to die.)

extravagant indulgence of each mind's discerning tastes
its why we wallow in our excess and complain about the waste
depressed our needs stay unconcerned we're so obsessed with wealth
coveting the human face we separate from self

we're dreaming of a new language we're chasing a useless chase
we're bowing down to man a promised step refused to take
these humans often asking questions chasing points into the sky
a constant breathing chasing losing beating so afriad to (die)

a prophecy through grinding teeth burning brightly underneath
desired actions unattained unfufilled dead disdain
forged with the hands broken skin seeping from the ground again
so where's my throne? where's my gain? where's my grave?

a shedding pulse illusion:time we fill the void with death
we're yet to learn to live because we're scared to take a breath
taught to burn as fuel inside a dying, fucked machine
washing away the guilt watching the drain swallow our dreams

its a constant unbalance
i've got this iron mind
but my anticipation
is ruining me
i'm forgetting to breathe...
always forgetting to breathe

my body wants what it cant have
what my iron mind wont give
i refuse to forget the motions
breathing in uncomfortable skin

setting my iron mind
against itself
forgetting to breathe
my anticipation

(the television lulls you to sleep. the radio plays in the background while you work. the ads in the magazines and newspapers making up for over 50% of the printed material. we are being subjected to advertising terrorism. we are young billboards vying to fill the emptiness in our dull lives made apparent by the people selling us the exciting new cure. we deal with loss and depression by consuming. the new standard of bettering ourselves is buying toxic plastic garbage to make ourselves feel good. because truly getting to know yourself is too hard. so our lives become excess. who we are, depends on what we own. your stance is not yours, it was culminated from years of influence, moral conundrums growing like tumors being healed by the easy way out. we dont have to work hard to be happy. we just need to have money and nice possessions. the earth is dying. we're killing it. but we know that, because we watch it on a giant flat screen TV sitting on our cheaply made swedish furniture wearing our sweatshop sewn clothing. i will never claim to not be a part of this, i'm aware of my motions and my wrongs. i'm aware that it is becoming unavoidable to exist without supporting something corrupt secretly running in the background of every action we make. most humans are too greedy and oblivious to understand the big picture. but i see it, i hear it loud and clear. we dont deserve this planet. and i hope i'm alive long enough to burn down with it. i deserve it. i accept it. )

it wants to speak
i want to sleep
it wants to excrete
i want to eat
it wants to compete
i'm incomplete
it wants to die
i want to be
i want to be

a broken back from working
fingers bled down to the bone.
now at home, open the door
but noone else is home.
its cluttered on the inside
but not enough to fill the void
the silence is just the perfect thing
to keep from feeling annoyed

inside this rusted skeleton, a heart made of ash
(dead inside dead inside)
cold hands on the metal dead face behind the glass
(dead inside dead inside)
waiting for the moment like a hammer and nail
(dead inside dead inside)
holes in my hands
and i cant i cant i cant i fail, i fail.

not awake or sleeping
just staring through blank screens
absolutely listless
the bottom of extremes
lost inside her own head
lost inside depressed
lost inside a defected mind
but this living life is blessed.

inside this rusted skeleton, a heart made of ash
(dead inside dead inside)
cold hands on the metal dead face behind the glass
(dead inside dead inside)
waiting for the moment like a hammer and nail
(dead inside dead inside)
holes in my hands
and i cant i cant i cant i fail, i fail.

holes in my hands
grasping at sand

("the manic restlessness for days on end were the best days of her life or so she said. there was something living vicariously through her which she could not explain something that was controlling her with racing thoughts and movements. she was living in absolute manic bliss. and then the depression came crashing down on her. it almost killed her. she was motionless and brain dead. laying in bed with her jacket on, on top of the covers for a week. when she finally gained the strength to call, the doctor paired the shock treatments and the medication hand in hand. and in the end she did get better. but she wasn't herself. she was someone else. a shell of her former self. i remember,all of this and really none of this matters. because she'll always be my mother and i will always love her." )


terminal decay
yeilding to dead convictions
we are cemented into place
we are where we are
a living contradiction
we are where we are
because we are

living through the shrine of a miscarrage
(we bear the right to self medicate)
obsessively hoarding garbage
(we abuse the right to self medicate)
preening mutated genetics
(we bear the right to self medicate)
addicted to violent pornography
(we abuse the right to self medicate)

i opened my wallet today and god's face wasnt staring back at me.

its the absence of warmth and the absence of truth
its beating the love out of curious youth
its the famous find in the winds of change
where these thoughts and actions reaarange

i'm a waste of time caught up with myself and lost inside my mind
you're the floating distraction that digs paths for me to take
broken trails with cold dead ends a maze made of mistakes
a temper dealt with shaking hands
sitting with you defeated on this broken path

your increments are chipped off and fed to an ever starving pride
leaving hungry, the heart weak beating, dying dead inside
i need to taste your filthy hands and know why you're better than me
i need to know why i share a road with a rejected visionary

why you're better than me.... ( i love you laughton)

i cant
i wont cope

(they subscribe to a nazi state of mind and truly believe they are superior to others. they are all around us. they tell us why we are shit. why they are elite. subtleties aside. they are the people we interact with every day. they are friends, acquaintances, enemies, family members and strangers all of whom have narrow views of acceptance. these people are so worried about how everyone else expresses themselves that they forget they have their own disgusting vessel to corrupt with petty ideas and skewed logic. hypocrites united standing strong. condemning people based on what they see on the exterior without even scraping the surface of the being. i've followed people like this. i've trusted in their words and judgements. i'm ashamed of the times in my past where i've bought into someone else's actions or ideas because it was the popular thing to do. but now, to get under someone else's skin just by being an individual, is beautiful. showing them without even doing anything how ugly and insecure they truly are. the less time you spend thinking about how other people are ruining their lives the more time you will have to ruin your own. )

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Listen to your thoughts as they show you the way, look in the mirror and see everything you hate.

Patient in a coma. Distracted absence. What introspective nightmares are you facing? What memory abducts you from consciousness in such greedy fashion? Leaving this numb cell behind. A holding pattern. A cell medicated and monitored like a cancer. A burden. For everyone to bear. Dead flowers and dusty get well cards fill your dim room, the afterthought. Why do they apologize to you when you are so far away. So unfathomably far from everyone and their busy lives. And we are busy. So busy in fact , that we almost forgot about you. Absorbing time and resource.

When you inhale your first breath after waking and open your eyes with a brand new perspective, believe me when I say: "i'm going to be there." To give you back what you have taken from me. My Patience. Perhaps we can start fresh. But I perhaps I could kill you just as easily as well.
We'll see.

Cancer is a Gift

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


First of all, many upon many thanks for everyone involved or who attended Ghost Throats in Edmonton and the Sled Island All-Ages shows in Calgary. Both shows were unreal and we're equally stoked that we managed to pull off playing the St.Gilles collab live. Thank you for making that happen.

Now on to things to come. Tour is quickly approaching and here are the details thus far. There are still a couple dates we're waiting on info for, but things are set for the most part. Clicking the links will bring you to the "facebook event" pages made for some of the shows, or just the ones i've seen so far. Tour poster will be up as soon as i get it.

Wednesday, August 11th - EDMONTON, AB - KEV'S BASEMENT (msg Cope via myspace for address)
Saturday, August 14th - KAMLOOPS, BC - LITTLE BIG HOUSE (128 Columbia St)
Monday, August 16th - CALGARY, AB - THE NEW BLACK CENTER (200 - 919 9th Avenue SE)
Wednesday, August 18th - WINNIPEG, MB - RAGPICKERS (216 McDermot Avenue)
Friday, August 20th - TORONTO, ON - SOYBOMB (156 Bathurst Street)
Saturday, August 21st - MONTREAL, QC - L'ESCO (4467A St.Denis)
Sunday, August 22nd - QUEBEC CITY, QC - TBA
Wednesday, August 25th - SASKATOON, SK - AMIGO'S CANTINA (632 10 Street East)
Friday, August 27th - KELOWNA, BC - KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS HALL (130 McCurdy Road)
Saturday, August 28th - VANCOUVER, BC - TBA

And to our Edmonton friends, come hang out with us at our going away potluck at Mr. Benson's.

See everyone in August!


Friday, June 11, 2010


This summer, we are very fortunate and thankful to be a part of three amazing fests in Alberta. At two of these fests, we will be playing limited "Cope & St.Gilles" sets, giving the people coming out a chance to check out our collaborative efforts with St. Gilles before the new 10" comes out. We've received a mock up of the St.Gilles material being mixed between our songs for the A side, and it's sounding rad! The dark chaotic sounds of St.Gilles add a whole other element to our music making it, in my opinion, far more cathartic and overall more intense. We're really excited to finally being acting this out, as if you look far enough back in this blog you'll see we've been wanting to do this for years. These shows are limited in the sense that we will only be playing once in Edmonton, and once in Calgary, so come check it out.

Here are the fest details. Follow the links for more info on different days and all the awesome bands paying.

(click for more info)

Friday, June 25th

Opening Concert (7PM onwards) featuring:

COPE & ST GILLES (Edmonton, AB & Toronto, ON)





FALSEHOOD (Edmonton, AB)

@ Allendale Hall (6330 105A St)
Advance 2-day passes are $15.
Individual days are $10 at the door.
Evening shows start at 7pm.
This festival is ALL AGES.

Advance 2-day passes can be purchased through the XTRUEX Distro, Blackbyrd Myoozik, and at the June 4th and 5th Castle Awesome shows. Capacity at Allendale is LIMITED so to ensure you get to enjoy these shows, please buy your tickets! Tickets will be available at the stores listed above starting June 5th.

(show info)(fest info)

Thursday, July 1st

Evening Concert (7PM onwards) featuring:

COPE & ST.GILLES (Edmonton, AB & Toronto, ON)



HAMAS (Calgary, AB)

$5, or free if you went to the first show
@ Comrad Sound (1511 14 st SW)

BAGEL FEST 2010(Edmonton, AB)
(click for more info)

Friday, July 9th

Evening Concert (8PM onwards) featuring:

COPE (Edmonton, AB)



ZEBRA PULSE (Edmonton, AB)

HOLZKOPF (Saskatoon, SK)

@ Catpiss (house address/info TBA)


Tuesday, May 18, 2010


We're playing a show this Sunday, May 23rd in Calgary with Kali, Kasper Hauser, and Plasmorbid. All info can be found here or on our myspace page. Check out the poster at the bottom of the post.

In other show news, we'll be playing the Cope & St.Gilles collab live at two fests this summer. The first is this years Ghost Throats fest in Edmonton on June 25th, and then again at Sled Island in Calgary on July 1st. More info on these shows as it develops.

Speaking of the collab, the man behind St.Gilles is putting his finishing touches on the recordings and then they'll be sent off for mastering. Then, you can be sure, they'll be available for listening.

Here is the poster for the Calgary show this Sunday


Friday, April 16, 2010

Nathan's Favorite Band is Wicked Wisdom, Ask Him

First of all, we're playing a basement show in Edmonton with Stillbirth from Winnipeg, Wake from Calgary, and JEFFxSPICOLI from here this Thursday, April 22nd. All info can be found here or on our myspace page.

Secondly, our 10"EP is now available through the Deathwish Inc distro. We're so stoked on this!

Thirdly, Relentless Ben isn't coming to Alberta anymore. Bummer, but the Calgary show on the 23rd of May booked for them is still going down with Kali. More info on that as soon as i get it.

Mixing the new songs for the collab is very close to being done. Mastering and then some new jams will be available.

Here are some photos taken by Trista Croft from our show at Comrad Sound in Calgary on March 27th.